Teddy's Story

As told by his mom Victoria

Our Beginning

Our family began in August 1998 when Justin and I got married in Rumson, New Jersey. We welcomed our firstborn, Caroline, in August 1999 and could not imagine loving anyone more. We were proven wrong when, 21 months later, on May 4th, 2001, Teddy was born. He was two weeks early and weighed 7 pounds even. We were so happy to have a "big baby," as Caroline was premature and was born at only 4 pounds 11 ounces. Teddy was, from the very beginning, a happy and hungry boy. He and Caroline were a joy to have around and when Teddy was 7 months old and Caroline just over 2, we found we would be expecting another baby due September 21st, 2002. Some of my happiest times were walking Caroline and Teddy around our neighborhood in the double stroller as they sat side by side, the three of us making our way, talking about the Jungle Book and pointing out all the world had to offer. As my belly grew bigger and bigger the stroller pushing was my main source of exercise—that and chasing Teddy who had so much energy, running rather than walking and falling down a lot. He always jumped up to run again. Teddy was so lucky to have had the love of his sibling, but also of his many cousins and ever-present aunts, uncles and grandparents. I was fortunate to stay home with Teddy, Caroline and my extended family. We loved dancing around to music and enjoying what turned out to be a very innocent time in our lives.

Teddy's Light

We loved Teddy's sweet smile and golden curls. We were often stopped so people could admire his round angelic face. Each morning, no matter how tired I was, I walked into his room with a big smile as that was how I wanted him to start his days. In turn, I was rewarded to see him standing and jumping in his crib. When his baby sister, Ainsley, was born on September 21st, 2002, Teddy was only 16 and a half months old. Caroline was just 3. Less than 4 weeks after Ainsley's birth, Teddy got a cold. He was lethargic, had no energy, no smile, and wasn't his happy self. After I took him to the doctor 3 times in 2 days, I was told that he was fine —he had a virus.

October 19th

The night of Friday, October 19th, Justin took Teddy to the emergency room believing he must be dehydrated and in need of fluids, as he had a fever and was vomiting. I stayed home to nurse my 4-week-old, Ainsley. I waited and waited for them to come home, watching every passing car's lights and praying they would turn into our driveway. When I got a call from Justin in a panic and a nurse got on the phone to say they were putting a tube in his throat I still did not understand the gravity of Teddy's situation. By the time I found someone to watch the kids and race to the hospital they were in a full-blown code doing CPR on Teddy—I wanted to run away, with my initial hysteria causing them to demand I get out of the room. While I did not want to live through those moments, I knew I had to be there to hold his hand. I had to be strong and be with my baby no matter how awful the scene. I counted compressions and looked at the machines. I prayed he was getting oxygen so that he would not have brain damage. Each minute felt like a lifetime. When, after an hour, the doctors felt there was no chance, we agreed to stop all efforts. At that point, I did want it to be over—the violence of trying to get someone's heart to beat again, to get air to circulate in their lungs —to stand and watch knowing that with each moment that passed, the chances of Teddy living were diminishing.

A New Chapter

That day marked the beginning of a new life for our family. There are so many facets to a parent's grief, a family's grief. It would be impossible to impart even a small bit of how we felt. We and our extended family all changed that day. To be a parent took on new meaning —fear, stress and sadness were at the forefront of our minds each day. Putting on a brave face for Caroline and Ainsley was our main job, the most important thing we needed to do. We stayed busy and were surrounded by our family and some friends and we got by. No matter what, life goes on, even if you sometimes wish it didn't.

Teddy's Fund was born out of our son's tragic and sudden passing. Our hope is that the changes it may affect in others will keep his memory alive in the world as we do at home.

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